*The mellow vibes that relax your senses

a salty breeze that blows your hair

the bright sun that darkens your skin

the beautiful smiles that make you feel

my caring hands tangled in yours.

your meaningful arms that close around me.

our warm bodies that mesh together

my determined legs intertwine with yours.

our soft lips that find their comfort

our pure love, in the hands of peace.

*Beautiful innocent crimson marks against my tough, thick skin.Staining the purity of my thunderous life, taking away the truth of my happiness.The “perfect” life I live is way too good to be true.Everyone has flaws.Some, more than others.People tell me that I’m such a lucky girl. Sure, sometimes that is true.

*Screaming at a droplet of water, rather than taking  step back and watching the entire waterfall flowing

*A name is just a name. It’s where you come from that really counts.

* Falling in love

with someone is the surest highway to hurt that i know. When the door to love opens,

the window to control closes. I have little enough power over my life as it is. The portal

to pain is caring too deeply about anyone. That includes me, myself, and I. It’s scary to

think I might never take a deep drink of forever love. Scarier still, to gag on yet another deception.

too many lies in this frozen world. And too few destined mergers of the heart.

*Every mistake.every word.All of the pain, lies, and hate.All of it comes back and beats me down.They dont know, and I dont show it. They arent the only ones feeling the stress, grief and anger. It bleeds through their souls and transfers into my emotions.

* Does she see the sadness she causes everyone ever day?I see through your weary eyes.You look at me in disgust.though you dont say it, what goes on around you is killing you. It eats at your soul and tears at your heart.You dont know how to fix her deranged personality.You dont know how to escape her wrath and fury. I see you hide within yourself when number two comes out. Her claws, sharp as knives, match up to the tone in her voice.Blaming the world for what she cant control.When the storm is over, your face is not the same as before. Now filled with worry and sadness.You dont know who to turn to; you spill your emotions on me.Your short temper pierces my sensitive happiness.Your harsh words fill my head.does she see the sadness she causes everyone everyday? Nothing is going to change.

*SHOUT thats all you do is SHOUT i wanna scream andSHOUT get off my ass and PLEASE leave me aloneJUST give me some space there IS no time to wastemy LIFE is mine to make let ME figure it out.

*careless flowing rapids of the afternoon stream. Where will the terrain take it?

*In the beginning i had total control

It was my decision. i wanted it.

i wouldnt let myself give into the temptations

i held back on purpose.

my motivation was always that prom dress.

It WILL fit, i told myself.

the days of starvation went on, and gradually the numbers got lower and lower. 

i was happy with myself for sticking to something and not quitting like i did for everything else.

but now it is uncontrolable

it is taking over my mind and it shows in my body. 

im scared

whenever i even touch food a little voice in my mind says, 

“Don’t do it. Hip bones, ribs. Prom dress, you are fat, you are ugly, look at you. you are disgusting, you nasty pig. put it down.

if i am forced to eat i have to throw it up after.

i cry

i hate myself

im slipping out of arms reach of sanity. 

help.

* for some reason, people have it in their heads that the words of their peers and enemies determine how they think, feel and appear.

why? its such bullshit that people pay attention to the hate and lies. 

Everyone is beautiful. everyone has flaws. those are what makes us unique. those flaws are what makes us, us.

So the next time someone tells you that you have a big nose, or bad skin, or frizzy hair, take it as a compliment.

not everyone is the same and thats how it was supposed to be.

*I sit and observe girls around me, all of the laughs, tears, anger, and regrets. 

I watch middle school girls constantly messing with their hair, applying their makeup, obsessing about how they look.

I listen to them giggle and whisper to each other when a cute senior boy walks by.

I hear them talk about older girls, putting them down because older girls are dating the boys that they have crushes on.

I realize that they only do that because they are jealous, unable to do anything about it. 

I see older girls, obsessing about how much they weigh, stepping on the scale, not eating, or going in the bathroom every time they put something in their mouth.

I watch them let their boyfriends walk all over them, bossing them around, putting them down.

I hear girls crying in the bathroom after being made fun of in the hall ways, too ashamed to go to class

I watch as girls make fun of people passing by, because they think they are better than every one.

I feel for the quiet, shy girls who dont make friends as easily, who sit alone, and mind their own buisness, scared to death to make eye contact with other people.

I understand what it is like to be alone, without anyone to talk to, to cry to, to be able to trust.

I know what it is like when people make fun of you in the hallways, call you names, talk about you behind your back.

I know what it is like to be the only one. 

But

I love when people laugh so hard they cry, stay up all night thinking about how well their day was, about the person they like, about all the wonders of the world. 

Unfortunately, that does not apply to everyone.

I’ve come to realize, almost every girl, under that pretty face, is going through tough times. Always.

*You are the reason that people feel ugly

the reason they go home and cry

you put people down and create problems for them

immaturity is not something that is liked 

maybe thats why people dont like you

tearing people apart, pointing out their flaws

like your life is pure and clear

take a step back and look at the big picture

you arent perfect so stop expecting everyone else to be

the way you put people down and make them feel lousy shouldnt be ignored

you wonder why people dont like you

you complain all the time about the “drama” in your life

but really? you put it on yourself. 

you create it.

you are the monster.

So next time you want to say something to me, take a look inside of you. 

because you dont know what the fuck ive been through.

*cold, soft, powdery flakes dancing in the sky.

As they fall, I watch them land on houses, grass, driveways, covering the earth in a white blanket. 

Landscapes vanish under the noiseless drift,

Making things look so peaceful, so innocent, covering up this chaotic world. 

pine trees crusted with snow

Half a snowman standing in the front yard, little children constructing its face, adding on buttons and a carrot. 

Snow flurries coming in small singular spirals

falling through the air

tranquility up in the short, encrusted trees. 

waiting for spring to melt the snow away.